exam stress and blog hiatus :(

Things that I cannot live without. My wallet, power bank, ysl lip stain and clarins blue orchid oil for my super dry face. And a durable bag ( longchamp le pliage!) to stuff everything in and 10 textbooks + lab coat + stethoscope.

Doesn't this cute seal pup make your day instantly better? :)

I am extremely sorry for my blog hiatus. :( medical school has been like super duper crazy with assignments and logbooks to fill. and exam is in a week!

I hope I can pass and move on to my final year!

wish me luck guys! 

xx

September goals

i cannot believe that it is september already. 10 more weeks to final exam and i will be going to the labour room starting next week, delivering babies!

it is going to be a roller coaster from here but i will try my best to not disappoint myself.

i am planning to:
1. stay healthy! nothing is worst than getting sick when exam is nearing. i am going to drink hot lemon honey every morning and get my workout done.
2. study efficiently and smartly. gonna try covering most of the GP topics in this month and start revising all the internal medicine and general surgery topics
3. save money. if i am going to buy myself a fancy watch by next year as i have been repeatedly telling myself, i better start saving money seriously from now on as those watches are costly as hell though i am getting the cheapest option.
4. throw away unwanted stuffs and put unnecessary things in a box. the least thing i need is a mess in my room when my mind is a mess due to exam stress.

The best lip balm!

as i was strolling through the aisles of a pharmacy after doing grocery, i was thinking of buying a new lip balm as i just recently lost my burt n bees' lip balm.

and then i came across this and it was not pricey so i decided to give it a go and i am totally loving it!

for those who love flavours, this lip balm is most probably not for you but i like how it delivers moisture without giving that gritty feeling that a lot of lip balms give. it is very smooth and the smell is very soft. i tend to feel nauseous with strong smelling products.

the texture is a mix of lotion and vaseline as you can see from the picture below. and i like to apply my ysl lip tint after using this lip balm and my lips look so full and smooth. love this product so much :)

negative thoughts

relationships are the most confusing thing ever. 

i don't know what to do.

i mean, i really care for this guy but at the same time, i am scared what if it does not work again. what if my family does not like him. i am not brave enough to take chances and risks. 

my mind is constantly full of negative thoughts of us that i cannot tell anyone because:

1. people will think i am a crazy erratic bitch ( which is true up to 80%)
2. people do not understand
3. i am an anxious super girl

haih.

i do not want to be together with him because of these but i still want him to be around.

we have been fighting because whenever i have negative thoughts, i just revert to my own bubble and it annoys him.

and when he is angry, he loses controls of his words and tones.

and i get hurt

and things become sour on the next day.

and the negative thinking kicks in.

it is a vicious cycle

who said relationships are fun is clearly in a relationship with him/herself.

what is better than sorry?

sorry for the blog hiatus. i am currently doing my paediatrics posting and it has been hectic but at the same time i am loving it. i never knew that i actually love kids. and just to motivate me further to do better in this posting, a tutor actually told me i have what it takes to be a paediatrics. :)

anyway, about life.

so this guy, J, has been in my life for 2 months. 

he has been this guy that i long for. he is sweet, puts effort into 'us', calls me everyday and drives down to johor from kl almost during every weekend. 

but all good things must come to an end eventually.

one by one, small things start to annoy us and we have been having small fights. i would say they mostly came from me and my insecurities and he would get so angry cos he thinks that i do not want this as much as he does.


and as i have been repeatedly saying sorry in a desperate attempt to apologise for my mistake after my logic and sense have entered me back, he told me...

'stop saying sorry. your sorry does not mean anything'




i do not know how i feel now. 

girl crush: olivia palermo

i used to dislike her because of how the reality tv series The City portrayed her as this crazy girl who would get rid of anyone that got in her way.

regardless of that, we just have to come a consensus here that:
1. her skin is offing flawless
2. she has amazing smile with those dimples
3. her fashion sense is impeccable too
4. not to mention her body
5. her hair too
6. and her no BS attitude
7. basically everything

love at first sight

hi lovelies! sorry for the MIA. medschool was busy but today i finally submitted my final assignment. fingers crossed i score well!

so a very pertinent question....



do you guys believe in love at first sight?

so i met this guy through a mutual friend when i went to KL. and he vouched that it was love at first sight for him to me. and i am still shocked at the idea? given that he is 27 years old and i always thought your logic should be slightly more dominant at this age?


he said we share so many similarities and he loves how i am so playful...? i am not trying to be vain here!


i don't want to get heartbroken and repeat the same mistakes over and over again.


so i told him that i am not down for sex since i am keeping it for marriage.

he told me he respects my decision and gave me his ring as a promise that he will never ask for that.


i tried giving the ring back but he was so persistent.


he said he is confident i would be his.


so yesterday he came to visit me in JB and we spent the night drinking and i fell asleep in his hotel room ( no hanky panky business i swear! ) and he said he loves me.


help?


i don't know what to do in this situation.


it sounds too good to be true, no?

how to accept criticism when you least expect it

since i passed my number to this guy, let's call him max, we have been texting ever since. and i kinda like it because it keeps me excited through out the day and he is a chronic texter, just like me.

anyway, last night he accidentally said that one of our mutual friends whom i used to be really close with told him that he actually could not handle my talkativeness. 

after all this time he used to tell me his problems and how he claimed to feel that he clicks with me yada yada yada, he told his friend that he thinks i am talkative.


moments like this are so painful to me because i was trying to be a good friend but apparently i was not.


:'(


i am trying to be a bigger person and telling myself that it is better that i know now and change myself so there will not be anything like this in the future.

but at the same time, it is so hard to accept the truth.

Life in pics + may goals!

i did my third piercing on my right earlobe. hopefully this one will not get infected like the last one *crossing my fingers*

had coffee at acme bar and coffee at troika in KL. it was good and had a great time catching up with danisha :)

on the side note, I AM EXTREMELY BROKE. thanks to all the shopping i did while i was in KL. i spent a lot on food *DUH* and clothing. well, i bought a long dress for my cousin's wedding from karen millen *justifiable purchase in my opinion, especially since it was on sale!* and a boxy top from shopbop.

following the blogs i follow, i think it will be good to share some goals on my blog and revisit them every month. this month i shall:

1. study consistently

i want to really master my psychiatric knowledge since it is very interesting. i will make it a point to study on the weekends ( 2 hours of studying the clinical presentations and managements  and 2 hours of doing my assignments and 1 hour everyday at least to revise general medicine and general surgery stuffs )

2. SHOP LESS!

god, i really need to shop less. i really need to prioritise my spending. i definitely i didn't need to buy the boxy top from madewell but i bought it anyway and it is not even flattering on me! :'( well, i learnt my lesson the hard way. so this month, after the recent trip to KL, i shall not spend any more money on clothes until next semester.

3. lose weight

again, i weigh 66.5 now. i promised myself that i will be more toned and lean for my cousin's wedding in august since i do not want to embarrass my mom and i do not want to feel inferior compared to other girls. i will make it a point to eat healthily and control my sugar intake. and workout more! i know i can do this i just need to put more effort into it. i need to weigh 65 by the end of may.

4. blog consistently

i realize that when i blog consistently, i feel better emotionally. and i shall post at least 2x/week. 

5. be more fashionable

with all the new clothes i have purchased, i will make it a point to look more presentable. i shall talk about my fashion inspiration in my upcoming blog post.

thank you peeps for bothering to read my nonsense:) it really means a lot to me

xx

how schizophrenic people view the world

as i am just about to embark on my psychiatry posting, i thought it would be interesting to post this video here. 

this video basically shows us how people with schizophrenia view the world. it is unfair for us to be scared of them and i think we need to understand them a bit more just to make the world a better place?

just give it a go. i promise you it will not take long.

thank you :)

p.s : i do not own this video, i found it on youtube and if i am not mistaken, someone from UC Davis created this. :) xx

the one

have you ever wondered when and where you are going to meet the guy who is going to be your 'the one'?

please take note that i am aware that life is not a fairytale and my 'the one' will not be a guy with a colgate smile and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

but i always think about this whenever i am alone. my housemates all have boyfriends and i don't. my sister has a boyfriend. my best friends all have boyfriends. my brother has an on-off girlfriend. sometimes i wonder whether i am really weird and ugly that i always attract the wrong guys. and these anxieties of mine have caused me to jump into attractions with guys rather fast just to watch how these guys are actually never going to make me happy in the long run.

sometimes i tell myself, if i eat healthy enough, lose significant amount of weight, wear nice clothes and become a doctor then 'the one' will come.

i want someone to be able to give me that sense of security, tell me that everything is going to be alright regardless.

dating deal breaker

after class with one of my favorite tutors, i did not know how and why, we started talking about dating. knowing that i am not malaysian, she jokingly told me to marry a malaysian so that i can get a housemanship in malaysia.

and i told her my mom actually has some plans up her sleeve to matchmake me this august!

and she was so surprised to hear that and know that i have no problems with that.

i went on to tell her that my biggest dating deal breaker is if my family does not approve my guy.

everyone in my group was so surprised and told me how i am such a good daughter...to my disbelief...

i just really value my family i guess. considering all the hardships that we have gone through and how they are working so hard to pay my tuition fee! and wouldn't it be great if all of my siblings' spouses can hang out with mine and my mother? 

but the thing is, finding someone who satisfies my family is really really tough. i would say it is even tougher than passing medical school. i understand where they are coming from though, they just want their little baby ( read: me) to be happy.

what do you think? what is your greatest dating deal breaker? 

currently listening to....

the song i have been playing on repeat to listen to while sipping a cup of hot lemon tea.

there is something about this song that just calms me down.

have a great night/day people :)

sad wallet, happy girl

because a sad girl can use a new pair of calvin klein shoes that were on major sale (60%!)

i would like to think that my new pair of shoes will help me achieve that trés chic look too :p

the only thing crying now is my wallet.

hair-o everyone!

not trying to brag here, but people always tell me that i have thick luscious mane which i can attribute to my dad. he is 53 and still not balding. and thanks to my mom's gene, i have a very light brown color which is quite unique for someone with chinese genes.

THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!

however.....

i have thick hair everywhere....

including my legs and arms....

and the worst part is....

whenever i shave i get the worst ingrown hair :(

waxing does not help too!


however i am always jealous whenever i see my friends with their hairless legs. this time i am going figure out a way to shave without causing major ingrown hairs and unsightly bumps.


does any of you have any tips and tricks to share?


love and dying to hear from you!

my weekend in pictures

i had a very spontaneous trip with my friend to go to singapore and visited the museum and had the trending honey creme soft serve.

the imaginerium exhibition was amazing and i really had an amazing time there.

after feeling blah, i hope this trip can refresh and get me ready to face all the piling assignments :)

a pinch of salt and a glass of wine

life has been crazy. assignments...quizzes....social obligations....

and boys!

so i went up to KL for a long weekend and decided to have my YOLO moment after a guy offered me a glass of champagne in a club.

i messaged the guy if he was up for another drinking session in a bar on the next day.

guess what?

the guy said NO.

fine.... but my YOLO self did not take no for an answer.

so we met up at a rooftop bar where he was so surprised that i showed up with my friends.

and left after 15 mins.


sometimes we just have to take life with a pinch of salt...and a glass of wine ;)

what does your name really mean?

i came across this website from other blogs and surprisingly... it is very true!

here i have copied and pasted my result

Bright, bold and rather authoritarian as well as quick tempered, these two certainly aren´t characterized by their discipline and flexibility... B   and W tend to be high handed and are often brittle, haughty and proud. Extremely confident, they usually have grandiose ambitions - especially since they are sensitive to external signs of wealth. Such tendencies coupled with a determination to succeed, lead them to constantly seek bigger, better and more. They may have difficulty sitting still or doing nothing for any length of time and are usually active and dynamic. And yet the results do not always live up to their efforts, indeed their lives can be quite disorganized and their minds just as messy. These very inquisitive women want to know almost everything, however they can easily flit from one subject to another, not necessarily get to the bottom of things. They like change and are disposed to frequent soul searching, not without certain risks. Even so, this is much preferable to a life of routine and monotony, of which they would quickly tire. They cherish their freedom and are die-hard feminists: women´s liberation is much more than just an idea! At the same time they possess a certain charm and an insatiable zest for life. They are pleasant and likeable, and are partisans of the saying “Enjoy yourself, it is later than you thinkrdquo;.... As children, B and W need stable reference points and a relatively strict upbringing, because they tend to impose their views and desires on others through their capricious behavior, jealousy and possessiveness. It would be wise to impart the value of sharing very early on in life. They would equally benefit from developing their social skills so as to avoid becoming too self-centered. Not particularly conciliatory, they are critical thinking and analytical whilst themselves remaining extremely hypersensitive.

i have to concur with most of the things they have written about me except for the authoritarian part. i do not think i am that controlling....

go check out yours! it is quite fun! :)

bad beauty habit

i have one really bad beauty habit....

as a medical student, we are supposed to go to the hospital every morning and the hospital i am attached to..... HAS NO AIR CONDITIONER....

so it is downright humid and hot....

i always wash my hair in the morning before i go to class and after class, i usually take a quick bath again just to freshen up, get some work done or nap for a bit and at 8pm, i will do my daily workout.

and by the time i am done with my workout, my hair will be soaked with all the sweat and dirt i have accumulated through out the day and i will wash it again as i take my third shower for the day.

yes i shower three times a day.

after doing this for quite some time, i noticed that my hair started falling :(

and i panicked.

so i tried looking for gentle shampoo that is not too pricey but can help me with my hair situation.

when luxola had sale on this shampoo, i was telling myself to give it a go.

the shampoo arrived after a week and i immediately tested it.

the verdict?

the smell resembles old spice deodorant with a strong mint smell and it gives your scalp tingling sensation through out. my housemate said the shampoo smells strongly of cinnamon. it does not lather as much as your usual shampoo.

i noticed that my hair has become smoother and easier to manage after two uses.

regarding the hair fall? i have yet to notice a difference but my friends told me that my hair has looked nicer and i am not complaining! :)

will i buy it again?

yes, because i kinda like the smell now even though at first i was put off by it.

and here is the description from the website about this shampoo:

Anti-aging, antioxidant rich, volumizing, and nourishing to the scalp, hair, body and mind. Formulated without sulfates, parabens, silicones, ethoxylates, PEG, phthalates, and synthetic fragrances. Ideal for every hair type, invigorating, while cleansing and purifying the hair and scalp. The result - luxurious, beautiful hair.

safety net

so my friend, let's call him MA, has been going through a very bad break-up.

i remember when he first introduced me to the girl who would eventually break his heart. it was at a house warming party where he had cooked amazing dishes. then suddenly this girl with a sweet smile arrived and he introduced me to her. 

'hi my name is E'

she looked nice.

MA started telling me all wonderful things about her. and when they got together, i was one of the first few people he announced the great news to. i was thrilled for them. they look cute together.

this was two years ago.

a few weeks ago MA told me how they were on the rocks and she met a personal trainer at the gym and their romantic pictures.


and after a long winding road of arguments and emotional turbulences, my friend decided to give up.


and just when he decided to give up, this girl started texting him sweet things but at the same time still posts pictures of her and the new guy.


my point? 


if you are going to settle for another guy, do not make your ex-boyfriend your safety net. i was guilty of this too. 

i understand that somehow feelings change. for better or worse. but making someone your safety net is not right.