how to accept criticism when you least expect it

since i passed my number to this guy, let's call him max, we have been texting ever since. and i kinda like it because it keeps me excited through out the day and he is a chronic texter, just like me.

anyway, last night he accidentally said that one of our mutual friends whom i used to be really close with told him that he actually could not handle my talkativeness. 

after all this time he used to tell me his problems and how he claimed to feel that he clicks with me yada yada yada, he told his friend that he thinks i am talkative.


moments like this are so painful to me because i was trying to be a good friend but apparently i was not.


:'(


i am trying to be a bigger person and telling myself that it is better that i know now and change myself so there will not be anything like this in the future.

but at the same time, it is so hard to accept the truth.

alone

i am just dying for an approval.

isn't everyone?

i am so scared to let people know about the negative thought lingering in my head. 

what if the people i cherish start leaving me because of this stupid thought.

in the end you are always alone.


love is an illusion created by your brain.

your boyfriend only wants to be with you when you are at your best.

once he cannot take it, he will leave. just like others. leaving another scar.


i wish i can numb my feelings. be a heartless person.

so that i could careless about what others say or do.


i hate that feeling when you desperately need someone and that person you think will be there is never there. relationship and friendship and all the sweet words seem to be mere void meaningless alphabets which are randomly arranged.


i am not happy. i want to leave. but i do not want to hurt you. i do not want to be hurt either. 


 

whatsapp from my coucou

i will always be patient with you my love.

i know your past with relationship was not all sunshine and rainbows, mine neither.

i cannot change yesterday. i cannot promise you tomorrow, i can though promise you that everyday i will work to make us stay intact and i will always love you as though you are the last lady on planet earth.

we may differ in certain belief and practice but what are humans if we are all the same and i respect that.

i will always be yours love.

study hard and not lose notes no more!

<3 <3 <3


he just had to remind me that i lost my hematology notes :) and made me smile while doing that. 

cravings

what is wrong with girls and their endless craving for guys' attention?

so many dramas have arisen from this.

my friend happens to be the victim.


she is such a sweetheart with sparks in her eyes.

however many have judged her because of this. including me.


maybe i am writing this as a way to repent my sin. maybe i am not. but i know for a fact that i am writing this to save others from unnecessary dramas in the future.


because this insane craving, she fought with her 2 ex-bestfriends.

she knows what people think of her.


she is doing everything she can to fix her friendship.


but it is all too late now.



 

happier? yes..

actually, truth to be told..breaking up with S has made me quite a happier person if i see it from different perspectives. i get to spend more time with these amazing girls, study more, and work out more. i have made progress with my weight as well. now i weigh at 64. i still have a few more kgs to lose though.

medschool girls <3

hungry face!

elaine! my frenchy cherrie! <3

i have more time for myself. yes, the empty feeling after the break up is still there but i believe life has its own ways. sooner or later, both of us, S and i, would wake up and find that life is not that empty anymore. and yes, there will be one day, that we will be with different people. the day shall come. 

now i shall focus on exam

for those of you who are studying medicine as well. we shall make love with netters and grays. and guyton. these amazing guys. we shall immerse ourselves in them. you guys totally know what i mean ( i hope ).

and after exam..

i shall stuff my face with this

Plan B brownies! nyum!

 and go here

Pulau Rawa in Johor

hopefully. if i pass my exams. crossing my fingers tightly.

okay. i had my coffee. time to shower and put my studying cap on. 

ciao loves!