negative thoughts

relationships are the most confusing thing ever. 

i don't know what to do.

i mean, i really care for this guy but at the same time, i am scared what if it does not work again. what if my family does not like him. i am not brave enough to take chances and risks. 

my mind is constantly full of negative thoughts of us that i cannot tell anyone because:

1. people will think i am a crazy erratic bitch ( which is true up to 80%)
2. people do not understand
3. i am an anxious super girl

haih.

i do not want to be together with him because of these but i still want him to be around.

we have been fighting because whenever i have negative thoughts, i just revert to my own bubble and it annoys him.

and when he is angry, he loses controls of his words and tones.

and i get hurt

and things become sour on the next day.

and the negative thinking kicks in.

it is a vicious cycle

who said relationships are fun is clearly in a relationship with him/herself.

what is better than sorry?

sorry for the blog hiatus. i am currently doing my paediatrics posting and it has been hectic but at the same time i am loving it. i never knew that i actually love kids. and just to motivate me further to do better in this posting, a tutor actually told me i have what it takes to be a paediatrics. :)

anyway, about life.

so this guy, J, has been in my life for 2 months. 

he has been this guy that i long for. he is sweet, puts effort into 'us', calls me everyday and drives down to johor from kl almost during every weekend. 

but all good things must come to an end eventually.

one by one, small things start to annoy us and we have been having small fights. i would say they mostly came from me and my insecurities and he would get so angry cos he thinks that i do not want this as much as he does.


and as i have been repeatedly saying sorry in a desperate attempt to apologise for my mistake after my logic and sense have entered me back, he told me...

'stop saying sorry. your sorry does not mean anything'




i do not know how i feel now. 

dating deal breaker

after class with one of my favorite tutors, i did not know how and why, we started talking about dating. knowing that i am not malaysian, she jokingly told me to marry a malaysian so that i can get a housemanship in malaysia.

and i told her my mom actually has some plans up her sleeve to matchmake me this august!

and she was so surprised to hear that and know that i have no problems with that.

i went on to tell her that my biggest dating deal breaker is if my family does not approve my guy.

everyone in my group was so surprised and told me how i am such a good daughter...to my disbelief...

i just really value my family i guess. considering all the hardships that we have gone through and how they are working so hard to pay my tuition fee! and wouldn't it be great if all of my siblings' spouses can hang out with mine and my mother? 

but the thing is, finding someone who satisfies my family is really really tough. i would say it is even tougher than passing medical school. i understand where they are coming from though, they just want their little baby ( read: me) to be happy.

what do you think? what is your greatest dating deal breaker? 

currently listening to....

the song i have been playing on repeat to listen to while sipping a cup of hot lemon tea.

there is something about this song that just calms me down.

have a great night/day people :)

a pinch of salt and a glass of wine

life has been crazy. assignments...quizzes....social obligations....

and boys!

so i went up to KL for a long weekend and decided to have my YOLO moment after a guy offered me a glass of champagne in a club.

i messaged the guy if he was up for another drinking session in a bar on the next day.

guess what?

the guy said NO.

fine.... but my YOLO self did not take no for an answer.

so we met up at a rooftop bar where he was so surprised that i showed up with my friends.

and left after 15 mins.


sometimes we just have to take life with a pinch of salt...and a glass of wine ;)

oldie but goodie: the english patient

betrayals in war are childlike compared to our betrayals during peace. new lovers are nervous and tender, but smash everything, for the heart is an organ on fire. - count almásy 

ralph fiennes never disappoints. 

for those who did not know, this is the very same guy who plays lord voldemort in the harry potter series!