stupid mistakes and feelings

i am sorry about the blog hiatus but i have been feeling extremely down and started pitying myself again.

as i have written before over and over, i always blame myself after doing something stupid.

this time, i did not do something stupid per se but i kinda did a mistake. but it really annoyed me because:
1. it is something really preventable
2. i felt like i was not given a proper instruction and the mistake i did was not completely mine 
3. but i hated how i felt so and i should not have blamed others 
4. i hated how i reacted too!
5. and now i hate myself for how i have reacted

so i did the next best thing a very mature 22 years old girl can do.... CRY 

i know...i know....

at least i cried in my room? and no one knew except you guys.

but i just don't know whom to talk to. and sometimes, it is best not to talk to anyone about the feelings because the moment you talk about it, it is like breathing life into the feelings. it is alive and stars creating a stir inside you heart even more.

i am really trying to be a better person this year. a better friend and a better daughter. a better medical student. a better 22 years old me.

i just hate how i get down easily from things like this. and this needs to change.