depression

continuous low mood or sadness

feeling hopeless and helpless

having low self-esteem

feeling tearful

feeling guilt-ridden

feeling irritable and intolerant of others

having no motivation or interest in things

finding it difficult to make decisions

not getting any enjoyment out of life

feeling anxious or worried

having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming yourself


have you guys ever felt/experienced what is listed above? i have been feeling them 24/7 that it is not funny. i cry myself to sleep all night. i do not know whom to talk to because i know most people will think that it is utter bullshit. i do not feel like hanging out with most of my friends. i screamed and broke down in front of one of my friends who thinks i am so full of dramas now.

well.

based on the symptoms above. i have clinical depression. i would like to think no. but it seems like it. and it is so frustrating i do not know whom to talk to about it because i do not want to look any weaker than i already do. 

and the guy who claims who will be  there for me is always busy. and i am afraid that he will leave me the moment he knows that i am emotionally unstable. 

and i just cannot bring myself to tell my siblings or my mom about this because i do not want to get them worried. 

i am 20. turning 21 in a month. it is time to toughen the fuck up. it is okay to cry. as long it is within the four walls of your room. where everything is going to be contained and no one will know that you are a weak thing on the inside.

i just cannot help feeling this constant void darkhole which keeps sucking everything out of me. it is inside me. i just do not want to open up to anyone. i am so scared. my supposedly and allegedly bestfriend just told me that i am full of dramas and emotional breakdowns and he was that close to ending his friendship with me after i have planned his birthday surprise party all along. 

in the end you are always fucking alone. everyone will tell you that you are not alone but it is all lie. lies that we choose to believe and immerse ourselves within.