two sides of the same coin

so. i was procrastinating with anatomy. as usual. like you know, i keep telling myself i can do it later although i know it is the biggest shittiest lie i ever tell myself.

then. i was trying to focus on this awesome anatomy vid on lower limb i found. acland's videos just did not cut it for me. his voice makes me sleepy all the time. all the med students out there know for sure what i am talking about.

this is the infamous acland's guy

anyway...coming back to the point. so, my friend, C, gave me a link to read on. from a blog called the thought catalog.

so. this particular post. hit me right there. like bullseye.

this post talks about how love and hate are two sides of the same coin. apathy is the total opposite. and i just could not stop thinking how true this is. when i was angry and told S that i hated him i knew deep down i still loved him. now that i just ignore his presence continuously, always hoping to never ever bump into him.i am totally losing my feeling. 

my feelings are like ashes being poured into the sea. the sea brings them no where mankind can ever find. 

so. for those couples out there who are having fight. i really really hope you guys find a midpoint and don't experience what i had. if your boyfriends/girlfriends say mean things to you, it is still better than ignoring your presence. i know the words hurt. as the bible puts it, tongue is the most evil part of the body. it is very hard to control and has brain of its own.

i got so used to not seeing him at all. ignoring his presence. pretending as if he never existed in my life before. then, it is such an alien feeling to see him again. but i just ignore him. it is foreign. awkward. not pleasant. it is just a mixture of everything.

but the fact i actually ignore him because i choose to proves that i am feeling the total opposite of love. i hate him. sometimes i do not hate him. but 80% of the time i do.

yes. i am a confused person. but i am pretty sure i am better without him. sort of. well. if i am not, i am trying to tell myself a lie that will become the truth. cos truth is a lie that you keep telling yourself and everyone repetitively until all of you believe it. 

hemm. that sentence just made me draw a new conclusion. so truth and lie are actually just like love and hate. two sides of the same coin.

oh well. i better put the energy to better use. such as doing the rural assignment. will talk/post about that soon.

ciao loves.