am i good enough?

sometimes i wonder why i am here. in this world. it is so weird.

some other soul deserves this life more than me.

i definitely have not been appreciating life as i should have.

i find it so hard to balance out what goes in my brain and what is happening outside. 

people always think that i am such a bubbly personality. nice. fun. all that.

well. i am not. i have this huge emo dark side to me that everyone seems to fail to understand. i don't even fucking understand myself. sometimes i just want to be alone in the corner and hope i am invisible to everyone.

deep down i hate myself. i hate why i am not smart enough. why i am not as good looking as my cousin, T, or my sis. i hate why i am so fat. i hate why i have to stand out of the crowd because of my body size. i hate why people always look at me. maybe i am being paranoid. but i hate it. i hate how there are so many things revolving in my head regardless what i do. 

am i actually good enough to be in medical school?

do i actually deserve this life i am living?

maybe if i die, it would be so much better for my mom. she already had two other successful kids.

oh well. i better study. make use of my time. rather than talking nonsense in this blog.
but again, this is my blog. i am free to write whatever i want. see? maybe i am schizophrenic. 


1 comment:

  1. life is a journey and do not ever question yourself of whether you are good enough. you are who you are, be proud of that and accept it. only once you can accept who you are can you be free from all these negative emotions.

    you will become a doctor. you will be a great doctor. a hardworking wife and a loving mum.

    be positive and you will be so much happier with the world, with yourself. x