go away and don't come back

people ask me if i am okay.

people ask me if i am doing well without you.

i am well. until they ask me about it.

you're like the chocolate bar i ate when i was dieting and tried to ignore the fact that i ate until someone reminded me of the calorie content.

there are so many things i want to tell you.

but i always run out of words.

stop posting whatever you are feeling on facebook. even though those statuses are anonymous, i am not stupid enough to not know that those are aimed at me.

let me make it clear. i am not a slut just because i wear shorts. or tank tops.

i am the same person, with and without you. still the same girl who obsesses over fashion and studies like a crazy person. still the same person who cries whenever i see cockroaches.

the same person you fell for. 

so..if i am a slut. then you fell for the slut. 

i hate how i always read your statuses and how i feel so low and unworthy after reading them. i hate how you always attack other religions, especially mine. i hate how you always calculate the amount of money left in your wallet after you treat me to a dinner when we were together. i hate how you complain about the stuffs mom buys for me. it is not my fault if mom buys me chanel and givenchy bags. i hate how you make me friendless in medical school last semester. i hate how you always give me the hostile look as if i am the most disgusting piece of shit after we break up. i hate how you always talk as if you have gone through a lot of stuffs. i hate how you always make sound when you chew.i hate how you always complain about small things. i hate how you always act as if you know me better than my mom. i hate how you are such a cheapskate.

someone called me after hearing about our break-up. i was fine. then i got reminded of everything.

i hate you. 

i hate that i always check your statuses.

i hate everything related to you.

i hate it.

when people say there is only a thin line between love and hate, those people are right.

i want you to go away. and never come back. i don't want any memory of us to every exist anymore. just go away. 

you ended it. so you have to go away.

now i know why aisyah broke up with you. 

i bet it is for the exact same reason with what i am feeling right now.