musing on my current life

i have this tendency to map and plan and route my life. and the fact that many aspects of my life have not quite turned out the way i had planned it can turn my mood from the sunnies day in the rainforest in the equator to a snow blizzard in the north pole. and when this happens i always end up crying myself to sleep.

is this a form of self pity? 

and i like sleeping so much because i can run away from reality and pretend that i am living my perfect life in my small head. and no one has to know.

this eats me up inside.


because after i wake up, it hits me even harder that my life sucks.

it is a vicious cycle. and i don't know how to solve it other than running away from it.

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